When You've Been Replaced

Meet Santabone!

(but there's something nefarious going on)

Here's a recap of the long adventurous life of his predecessor:

 Obituary: We sadly report the passing of Thomas the Turkey. Passing? Well, it appears that he did not pass Go, did not collect $200, and simply disappeared. Knowing that the person who last saw him works as a guard at the jail, it seemed possible that he went directly to jail! We allowed plenty of time for his homecoming, and repeatedly inquired with the folks who saw him last. In such a case, a proper memorial event would be difficult to pull off. So Tom has now been replaced by Santabone, an equally distracting cheesy creature who insisted on jumping in our cart at Home Depot. It was simply meant to be. So here's the ongoing story of Thomas...

The Adventures of Thomas the Turkey,
Let Us Give Thanks

On Thanksgiving Day, 2005, Bill and I were bustling around the kitchen, with last minute touches for a dinner that was to feature bacon-wrapped filet roast. We were expecting guests including my mom and her friend, our three sons, and the oldest son’s girlfriend, Julie, and her mother, Elaine. The table was festively set, the champagne was chilled, and there was an air of excitement about.

When Julie and her mom walked in, they were carrying contributions to the dinner. We were expecting apple pie. Elaine announced, “Well, I brought a turkey.” We froze, and you could have cut the silence with a knife. I couldn’t think of anything to say (for once). Elaine laughed at us, then whipped out a stuffed turkey that was wearing a Santa hat with a big jingle bell on the tip. She pushed the button on his tummy, and he launched into a raucous rendition of “Deck the Halls”, with turkey gobbles interspersed. He threw his head side to side, then back and forth, making the bell jingle as it played. Well, everyone broke into gales of laughter, and I placed it in the center of the table, next to the very tasteful floral arrangement. During the meal, several fingers couldn’t resist the temptation to touch the belly button. After all, the box was encouraging, with its label that says, “Try me.” How could we resist? Each time brought a big round of laughs, which we understand helps the digestion.

 Well, my mom was just fascinated with the turkey, and asked Elaine where she bought it, thinking she’d go get one, too. Knowing the state of clutter in my mom’s apartment, and seriously doubting if anyone NEEDS a singing turkey, I quickly offered to LOAN it to her for a week, to visit The Atrium, to provide the maximum useful life of such an item in any one location. She took me up on the offer, and the turkey spent next week regaling the elderly folks in the dining room. But there was no reluctance to let it go when time was up.

Bill was up next, driving the turkey with him off to Hospira in Morgan Hill. He spent 4 days there, gracing the tool shop with his zany antics. He came home on Thursday, and prepared to head off to the IRS. They’re all a bunch of turkeys there, so he should fit right in.

 I ride the light rail to work, so the turkey was tucked under my arm as I boarded the train, bell a-jingling as I moved. The 4 people already in the car immediately turned to me questioningly. I was wearing a Christmas sweater, and felt a festive spirit, so I smiled at them and asked if they wanted to hear it. They all said yes, so I pressed that button and cracked everybody up. I proceeded to tell the tale of the way we got him, and of his travels. We were still yukking it up by the next stop, when a single guy boarded the train. He looked around at everybody talking and smiling and felt like an outsider until he spotted the turkey, read the sign on the box and asked if he could do it. I held it across the aisle so he could push the button. He smiled broadly, and I told a shortened version of “the story”. Then I hid it under my backpack and started reading my book. I thought I had made enough of a spectacle of myself, and didn’t look forward to telling the story yet again.

 Two men got on at the next stop, but I didn’t look up. Alas, they were getting off at my stop, and saw and heard the turkey as I got up. They, too, asked if they could try it. I consented, and told the short version of the story. One of the men said, “You know, I was feeling kind of grumpy when I left for work today, but you made me smile, and now I feel good. Thank you.” Awwwwww. Then he asked what the turkey’s name was. I said he didn’t have a name, and offered to let them name him. One suggested Peter, and the other said, “No, it must be Thomas… a Tom Turkey!” So it came to be that Thomas got off the train with me, and headed for the IRS.

 Now the IRS is a rather conservative place, as you can imagine. But it was a Friday, and things tend to be a bit more casual on Fridays. I put Thomas on a small table outside my office, and did the demo & story for several people. I decided to let him spend the weekend since he wasn’t needed at home. On Monday, revenue agents wandering around the office spotted Thomas, and couldn’t resist that belly button. Periodically throughout the day, I’d hear, “Deck the halls with…” It was quickly discovered that the button was a toggle, so the song could be stopped at will.

 At Hospira, Bill got the idea that Thomas should be wrapped up and given back to Elaine as a Christmas gift. So when he got home from the IRS, Thomas was stuffed into a Christmas bag and covered with tissue paper, with a note that said, “To Elaine, From Thomas. I’m all yours now.” Alas, Elaine wasn’t able to make Christmas dinner, but I imagine he brightened her day one more time. I expect that we haven’t seen the last of Thomas, so until his next adventures, here ends Chapter I.

 CHAPTER II

 What disappointment we had when Thomas didn’t reappear for 2 years. Elaine still joined the family for holiday meals, but alas Thomas never came back. Fast forward to Thanksgiving, 2008. Still no Thomas, but other holiday traditions continued. Imagine our surprise when 2 days after Thanksgiving, Julie joined us for the third family dinner of the weekend, accompanied by… THOMAS! Oh, what a homecoming. Once we found some fresh batteries, he was as good as new. For this dinner, we were most fortunate to have the company of my niece Meredith, who had never met Thomas before. It was love at first sight. She immediately danced with him (see video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMcgWTragQU ), and the consensus was that Thomas MUST go with her back to Montana.  So he was packed up in her backpack amidst speculation about how our beloved TSA agents would react to an unusual shape hooked up to a couple batteries inside a carryon bag. I was hoping they’d demand to see it, and oops, he’s start singing & gobbling right there in the security screening area. But first reports are that they didn’t even notice. Certainly Thomas can do better than that!

 So now the story goes off to Meredith, so she can add to the Adventures of Thomas the Turkey. I’m sure he’ll like Montana, and Thanksgiving is over, so he should be safe from carnivores for at least a little while. I look forward to the continuation of Chapter II.

CHAPTER III

Stuffed... in a duffle bag

Alas, Thomas didn’t reappear after his visit to Montana, nor did that chapter of his adventures get committed to writing by the one most likely to know. I asked Meredith about him for a couple years, but Thomas never came back, and I finally quit asking. I heard that he entertained staff and students at Monarch School, but I don’t think he liked it there. Too much psycho-babble for his taste. Another fast forward to December, 2012:  While visiting Sharon & Fred’s for a few days, I was surprised to find not one, but two “pillow treats” (gift bags) on my bed. And inside one of them was… THOMAS! Oh, what a heartwarming reunion. Thomas had never been on an airplane before, and I realized what a treat he was in for, particularly since it appears that he spent a couple years closed up in the Red Shed (storage), all alone. He perked up immediately. We were flying Southwest, and naturally all the people in front of us clogged up the jetway, being sure to get the seats in the first rows. I decided to let him have a peek, so he could fully appreciate this new experience. Happy and excited about his homecoming, he did a little song & dance, much to the amusement of his fellow passengers.

 At home, Bill greeted him warmly, and we had quite the discussion about why he wasn’t completing his song & dance. He would stop after the first “FaLaLaLaLa” and Bill insisted he wasn’t sick, simply in need of fresh batteries. I argued that he shouldn’t be able to repeat the portion of the song over and over if his batteries were dead. Well, thankfully I was wrong again. Once Bill installed some fresh batteries, he was as good as new. I was so excited about this development that I immediately made a video & posted it to YouTube, and took him for a visit next door. He’s a little grubby compared to when he was first born, but we still love him anyway! He’s wondering if he’ll get invited to Eddy & Julie’s wedding in June. Maybe someone from Ohio will love him and want him to go for a visit. Or maybe he can go to New York. Time will tell where the adventures of Thomas will lead.

CHAPTER IV

Well, Thomas did join in the festivities surrounding Eddy & Julie’s wedding in June, 2013, but there was so much going on, he didn’t actually get to attend the ceremony. He was so excited though, because he was going home with Mike & Stefani, and there was a good chance that he would get to experience his first Canadian Thanksgiving, and maybe even go to jail. Canadian Thanksgiving is October 13 in 2014. Dare he hope? We can’t wait to hear of his adventures.  Stef?

OBITUARY

Here ends the story of Thomas, but welcome Santabone! 

CHAPTER I

Bill decided to do a DIY installation of a new air conditioner in our RV, and was positive he needed no help, just more tools. (Don't ALL guys "need" more tools?) As he contemplated various chains to go with his new hoist, I was caught up by a huge display of singing & dancing Christmas characters. There was Minnie Mouse, a Grinch, penguin, and even a SpongeBob. Well, after passing by the display 3 times while I waited for Bill, I told him I really wanted to buy one for the grandkids. He reckoned their mama wouldn't be too happy about that, but I promised I wouldn't bring him out until Thanksgiving, and I'd be sure to take it away after Christmas. Bottom line? Meet "Santabone"

And listen to his great skill on the trombone: https://youtube.com/shorts/CJq1-nJuI5w

I was so excited about this little guy that I sent the video to my church's music director, who happens to be an accomplished trombone player. He was entertained, so I took that as a green light to let Santabone begin his adventures in the big wide world. Maybe some day he'll even get to go to Bellevue, WA to visit the church.

So Santabone began his adventures with a trip from Carson City, NV to Campbell, CA on October 21, where he hopped out of his box and proceeded to entertain a certain 6-year-old who just couldn't keep her mitts off that button. But the deal was he was not to be brought out until after Thanksgiving, and he was to go on to new adventures after Christmas. Of course this rule was to save the sanity of said child's mom! This story is to be continued, but not until after Santabone escapes the hall closet to hang out with a 6-year-old...

BREAKING NEWS: Santabone is missing!

At the conclusion of the Thanksgiving weekend, a certain 6-year-old reminded us that it was time for Santabone to come out of the closet to join the diversity flag flying in front of the house. Well dang if a trip to the closet found him missing. We've alerted the authorities to investigate a possible kidnapping. I hate to accuse my dear relatives, but I suspect there's a conspiracy going on, and Stefani and Julie just might be involved. This story will be updated as the investigation develops.