Turning Points

 

I recently was fortunate to hear a message delivered online by Rev Matt Emery, a minister serving a church in Vancouver, BC, touching on the paths we choose, and making decisions that may not be in sync with the vision that others, like your parents, might have in mind for you. How important is it for you to choose a path that brings you happiness? 

This rang a bell with me, as I carry a quote from the Dalai Lama in my thoughts: 

The purpose of our lives is to be happy.

Matt ties the message to the Bible, citing how Jesus convinced his disciples to join his movement, leaving their boats and nets behind. I’m not a big fan of the Bible, as it’s just a book written and repeatedly revised over the years, to meet the needs of men in power, but I do embrace many of the notions it conveys through stories. I’m more of a Humanist – “Good without God” sort of person. I believe in being kind to people, animals, and the earth.

One of the stories Matt told was of a friend who set her own course, breaking with tradition, and thus became the black sheep of the family. They were artists, but she decided to become a lawyer. You also have plans of your own, your vision for the future, your path through life. But when you hear a call that leads you away from that path, it can be terrifying to step off that path.

Matt was a senior in college, with the expectation that he attend grad school to get his master's degree in computer science, to become a college professor. But he felt a pull to go to seminary instead. Matt’s decision came out of the blue, and surprised himself. Learning to let go of things you used to think were important can bring a sense of peace. That decision led him to people he never would have met, places he never would have gone, and experiences he never would have had.

Listening to that voice calling you can lead in an unexpected direction. Sometime along the way, something larger than yourself nudged you in a different way. It may even seem like a small thing at the time. The uncertainty, and at the same time excitement, can reenergize you. It can also exhaust you. What about the decision to have children? Talk about exhausting! Yet it’s the most rewarding, meaningful experience of a lifetime.

In hearing Matt’s message, a lightbulb went off for me. My college degree was in social work, with a minor in music. I had a vague thought of becoming a music therapist. Alas, I can’t remember the words to songs, so that was out! When I graduated, I took a civil service test that put me in the running for any Federal job for which I was qualified. But this process is certainly not a guarantee of a job, nor did I have any idea of the timeframe. Meanwhile I needed a job. So I got a job as a clerk at a semiconductor company. I became frustrated after 6 months when I saw no avenue for forward progress in the field, despite my efforts of going back to school studying electronics, and applying for other positions within the company. I couldn’t even get an interview. The obvious reason was discrimination against women, because out of 35 positions in customer service, only 2 were held by women. So I quit, in order to look for work fulltime elsewhere. And that is when I got the call to come in for an interview at the IRS, to become a tax auditor. At the same time, I got an inquiry about a job as a social worker at a military base in Arizona. I picked the auditor job because it was local. And not too many Bay Area folks are itching to move to the desert! One problem – I knew NOTHING about taxes or accounting. The interviewers were quite encouraging, saying they would teach me everything I needed to know. History found that it was easier to teach a liberal arts major accounting than it was to teach an accountant people skills! The art of auditing requires excellent communication skills. And it helps to be able to write coherent reports that may end up in court some day.

With a great deal of amazing mentorship, I went back to school studying accounting, and eventually became a CPA. I had a long career that led me into leadership positions of group and program management. But when things started getting political, I became uncomfortable and dissatisfied, and some days downright miserable. I had an ace in the hole, the CPA certificate, so I knew I could easily get a job elsewhere. But with only 5 years left until I could retire with a great pension, would it be worth it? I actually scheduled an interview with a big accounting firm, but when my mentor heard about it, he counseled me to just hang in there for 5 more years. He said, “Heck, you could stand on your head and do nothing for 5 years, and by the time they figured it out you could retire.” So I hung in there. But taxes aren’t my thing! I love people, especially those who tend to be passionate, compassionate, and willing to take the roads less traveled. It was a happy day when I finally was able to break free.

Around that same time, my dad passed away and my mom ended up briefly in a nursing home. I visited every day, and observed that residents who didn’t have family or friends as advocates were often neglected. That gave me the inspiration to try to actually do something about it. I attended training and became an Ombudsman for Long Term Care, a volunteer position that involved visiting nursing homes and assisted living facilities, handling complaints and ensuring that residents’ rights were being honored. I met so many fascinating elders with stories to tell, and nobody to listen to them. It was the start of 10 years of volunteer service as an elder advocate, first as an ombudsman, then with hospice.

Wade and Me

Lisa's Ordination 2009

 (Great Shoes!)

So how did I end up watching a video of a preacher from BC? It’s another story of paths taken. I was roped into being a youth leader at the UCC church in San Jose, because one of our sons wanted to go on a mission trip to Mexico. I didn’t know anybody at the church, and wasn’t comfortable sending my 14-year-old child off to a foreign country with complete strangers. Enter one Wade Zick, youth leader and fast talker, who convinced me to come along to I could make sure my son would be safe. What I didn’t know is that the program was desperate for female chaperones, as most of the moms either couldn’t take off work, or weren’t about to sleep on the ground and go without a shower for days! The trip was a success, I bonded with Wade, and became a regular youth leader, going on several trips after that. In this capacity I met Lisa, a high schooler about to go off to college. She eventually became a minister, and is serving at the UCC in Bellevue, WA. When I moved from the Bay Area to NV, I no longer had ties to any church, and was thrilled one day to discover that Lisa’s church was broadcasting their weekly services online. I had always admired her speaking ability, and to have opportunity to get a weekly dose? Well, I was hooked. And they have GREAT music. (Kudos, Stephen!) They occasionally have a guest preacher, and that’s how I saw Matt. 

And what’s the bottom line of all this?