Regrets

“Life is short. Eat dessert first.”

Regrets… We all have them. But very few people say from their deathbed, “Golly, I sure wish I’d spent more time at work.” I recently met 2 families that caused me to think about regrets, and how to not have them. When I told my sister that I was going to blog about regrets, she immediately assumed I was depressed and encouraged me to “be happy.” Nope, it’s the complete opposite. I’m thrilled to see young families setting an example of how to act now to minimize regrets later. And it caused me to look back on my own life, realizing how lucky I was to have chosen well, and accepting that the mistakes only served to make my path more interesting.

In fact, my sister wrote in her journal that our grandmother quoted a saying, “There would be no rainbows if not for the rain.” So no regrets even for the hard times.

I met Bill at a baby shower! Actually, it was after the shower, but when my sister and brother-in-law offered to clean up my house from the party, if I wanted to go out for pizza, I was all over that offer, and ended up meeting the guy who would eventually become my husband. No regrets! A month later my sister welcomed her baby, and we welcomed the opportunity to prank Bill’s family back in NY, sending this picture, with no explanation:

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We’re retired, and now travel much of the time.

So here’s us, 40 years down the road

 In our travels we meet many interesting people, and on our recent trip to our annual “Skinnie Winnie” rally in Quartzsite, AZ, we met a family on a grand adventure. You’ll need to take a look at their blog site and Facebook page to truly get what they’re doing. (https://familydetour.com and https://www.facebook.com/familydetour/ ) The thing that most impressed me is the decision to leave their stable lives and hit the road so that they could spend time as a family. The girls are going to remember this for life, and their education is ever so much better than they could get in a brick and mortar school.

We first met them at a gas station in Parker, AZ as we were on the way to our rally. Because they have the same rig as we do, I spoke to them, asked if they were on the way to the rally (they were), and jotted down their blog address as written across the back of their rig. I got to thinking about those years with our own kids, with our frenzied mega-camping trips, and our years as Cub Scout den leaders. Rather than feel outdone by the “Detour Family” I felt a glow, grateful that we were able to spend that time with our 3 sons. But dang, I love their story.

I found it very interesting that once we were all at the rally, with 200 or so rigs just like ours, the family was drawn to the two sets of folks that we knew pretty well from prior rallies. They were the only ones who were our Facebook friends before the latest rally. And why is that? I’m not sure what about these folks draws me, but I suspect it’s an intangible, an adventurous can-do spirit. We were all parked in the same general area, and imagine my surprise to find Debbie teaching the girls ukulele lessons, and seeing them all over camp walking Mindy’s dog. They gravitated to my favorite people. Huh.

Debbie with her ukuleles

Girls with Basco

If you’d taken a different road, you would have given up something that you did do, and then you’d regret that.  My sister thought that not graduating from college was a regret and then realized she would have given up her year in Europe, traveling at a time that cannot be matched now.  (Remember Europe on Five Dollars a Day?) She also wouldn’t have gone off to fly when she did, and wouldn’t have met her husband. She does regret not learning a foreign language and not having a Spanish speaking nanny for the kids, but who knew back then it would become almost necessary? So much of today’s dissatisfaction comes from wanting things to be perfect.  Things will never be perfect!  Make the most of your moments and have no regrets. 

And what about those bad marriages, where people stay together “for the sake of the children” and end up having a miserable life? When I heard of an older woman saying “Gosh, I should have left him years ago,” I felt so sad for her. Her life’s potential was squashed like a bug, by a controlling husband. I had my own early marriage experience, where I married at 22, and only made it for a year, when the lack of freedom became too overpowering for me. I wanted to go back to school to study accounting, and my husband said, “I didn’t get married to sit home alone at night. Besides, you have a good job, so why would you want anything else?” My answer was, “Well, I didn’t get married to sit home and watch TV every night.” His parting words were, “You’ll never own a house.” So what do you suppose was my first order of business as a single woman? My parents had to co-sign, but by golly, I bought a house. I sold my Corvette to get the down payment. I had ZERO regrets!

Yeah, I thought I was cool

My only regret about the marriage was that I hurt some people with my decision to call it quits. My ex- didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t change, I did. His mom was very sad, especially since we didn’t have children. Her hopes flew out the window the day I left. He remarried, a nurse, but they never had children. 

Recently we met a young couple from Georgia, married just under a year, on a grand adventure before they settle down and start a family. They are living in an old school bus, “Cecilia The Short Bus,” currently parked at our house. They built it into living space and have been on the road for months. We met because they were staying with Sean and Debbie (the ukulele lady) in LA, and said they planned to winter in Carson City so they could get a season pass and enjoy skiing. Sean suggested they might talk to us about places to visit, restaurants, etc. Bottom line is we invited them to stay with us until spring when they plan to move north.

Cecilia and her fancy cousin

Don’t they look like they just stepped out of an REI catalog?

Our "Bus People" are on a grand adventure.

Why would we do such a thing? Well, I love their story, and want to support their grand adventure. I celebrate that they’re doing something now that will prevent regrets later. How many times have you heard people say they wished they had traveled before they settled down?

So pay attention, make choices, and sieze the day!!!

Carpe Diem